Thursday, August 14, 2014

Stumbling Forward



And the world stumbles madly forward.

What else can we do?

War in Ukraine;  War in Israel, Palestine, Syria; Horrific persecution in Iraq; Ebola ravaging Africa; Black teen shot & killed;  Innocent child raped and murdered; Famous actor taking his life~

And still, we stumble forward.

We wake up.  We care for our children, our spouse.  We go to work and fulfill our duties.  We write checks to pay our bills.  We wash dishes, take walks, think, pray.

We all desperately need God.  Hope.  Peace.  Love.  Love for our enemies.  Love for those who persecute us.  Love, often, for ourselves.  The grace of Jesus to cover our failings, shortcomings, imperfections;  Our glaring imperfections.

Amazing grace.  I wish I could just "get" it.  For myself. For others.  That perfection doesn't have to be the goal because it can never be on this earth.  That who I am, who you are, is enough, Today.

And someday, when face to face with God in Heaven, I will be whole~ perfect in His perfection.

But until then, I must stumble forward.  Because at least then, I am alive.  Trying.  Loving, though imperfectly.  Apologizing when I fail.  Forgiving when others fail me.  Getting back up and stumbling forward again.

And maybe if covered in God's grace, this stumbling journey may end up appearing Beautiful.  Grace-full.  Not perfect, but enough.  Because I'm here.  Trying.  And turning my eyes and my life over to the One who is perfect and who is Love.

May God be with all those hurting souls around the world.  May His grace & love give them the courage and hope to stumble forward, right along with the rest of us.


Thursday, April 3, 2014

Something Beautiful

A lot of blog posts have been running through the back of my mind the last couple months... usually at the end of a hurried day of toddler and baby activities, when I finally crash into my pillow and close my eyes, the scattered words come.  I think about how I'll tell the story, the words I will use, the sequence of thoughts, but I've been too tired and busy to write.

Well now, with baby propped up with a pillow while nursing and toddler upstairs napping, I am attempting to write one of many thoughts from the last couple months.

Rewind to about 8 weeks ago.  I was anticipating the birth of my second born-- I knew it was a boy and I knew his name would be Micah.  I also knew, from prior experience, the pain that was before me with the advent of labor.  Some things are better not known... the pains of childbirth are one of them.  I was seriously worried about it.  My first labor was 36 hours long and somewhat complicated.  I feared a repeat performance with this child.

One day, as I was laying down to rest while my toddler napped, I was praying to God about it, telling Him how afraid I was... how He needed to give me strength to get through it, how I didn't think I could go through it again...basically listing off my grievances.  Mid-sentence I heard this:

"What if it will be beautiful?"

My whirlwind of thoughts froze mid-stream.  I repeated it back in my head, "What if it will be beautiful?!  What if...  What if...."  I had no answer for that.  I had NEVER allowed myself to even imagine such a thing was possible.  A small flame of hope was lit inside me that day.  God's love warmed me and I knew He had it in His hands.  

Active labor finally came on Valentine's Day~ And it was quick.  And it was hard.  But it was beautiful...

On the drive to the hospital, contractions were getting somewhat unbearable and close together.  A song came on the radio, right when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore.  It said, "The pain won't last forever; things can only get better.  Believe me, this is going to make you stronger..."  Those lyrics helped me so much.  I repeated them through the hard parts, and it was a sign to me to keep going.  I wasn't alone.

Micah was born less than 3 hours upon arriving at the hospital.  Everything went flawlessly.  Just as she was leaving my hospital room, my midwife said,  "That was a beautiful birth."

And. time. stood. still.

I remembered the words God has whispered to me in my bedroom a couple weeks prior.  "What if it will be beautiful?"  It was beautiful.  And God is good.  And even when labors are hard and complicated like my first, He goes with us through the difficulty.  And sometimes He gives us beautiful labors.  And that is His GRACE to us.  His grace to me.  And I was so thankful and I AM so thankful.

God can give you something beautiful.  Seek Him for it.  He loves you;  He loves me.


Friday, July 12, 2013

The Story of our 1st Home

As I sit writing on my new porch, in a pretty red rocking chair that I "inherited,"  the chaos of the last few weeks, or months, feels a little surreal.  The passing of time, as well as the fact that God has been changing my heart towards the seller of our home, means you'll get a much different story today than had I written it in the fury and frustration of last week.  So here's the story of how we ended up in this pretty, blue, two-story home, built in 1910 by an ice cream maker whose daughter was an artist.

When it comes to houses, Elijah and I are pretty picky.  We gave our realtor a LONG list of requirements and restrictions when it came to what we were looking for.  Add in the fact that the housing inventory was extremely low when we started looking (in March) and there just wasn't much coming up in our price range that was in our liking.

Another problem, was that we didn't know where we wanted to live.... The Cities or Rochester area? Town or country?  We were soooo confused.  We ended up searching both in the Cities and in the Rochester area, working with two different realtors for a short time... kinda messy.  Anyways, after falling in love with an old home in the country, putting an offer in on a different house in downtown Rochester, and then nearly giving up on finding ANYTHING we'd settle on, we were getting pretty burnt out on the house search.

Until one day, Elijah called me into the office and said, "What do you think about this home?"  I was skeptical.  There was only one picture of the outside of the home-- usually a very bad sign.  Also, it was  huge and still in our price range-- another sketchy sign.  "Sigh.... we can go look at it if you want.." I said.  

The first hurdle was getting into the house to take a look.  The seller was too "busy."  After days of hassling, we finally got in.  At this point, we were informed that it was a divorce case and only half of the couple wanted to sell.  We knew we needed to get in and out and make a decision, quick!  We quickly decided that yes, it was just what we wanted (after touring dozens and dozens of homes, you just know).  We put in an offer that night.  And then waited,  and waited.  We waited 2 weeks (instead of the usual 2 day time limit) to hear back from the seller-- whether it was a yes, a no or a counter-offer.   They countered and also pushed back the closing date 2 weeks, which at that point was 2 1/2 months away.  We accepted and then celebrated~ Yay!  We're buying our first home!

Then the trouble began.  I noticed that the closing date was set for a Sunday-- but the bank isn't open on Sundays.  I asked our realtor if this was a problem.  She said, no, we'd just have to get the seller(s) to sign an amendment, pushing the closing date either up two days or back a day.  Inwardly, I groaned, knowing that getting the seller's signature the first time was a MIRACLE.  Getting it a second time would be tough.  I was right.  She refused to sign the amendment (for no reason).  We waited a month, trying to get her to sign it.  Meanwhile, I am packing up our entire house, which is not my favorite thing in the world to do....

After a lot of drama and people making sacrifices on both ends, she ended up signing-- 3 days before we were supposed to close!!  But she said she'd need more time to pack her house-- she hadn't even started.  The cut-off on our pre-approved interest rate was coming up quickly, so we said the most we could give her was 1 week.

Closing day came-- I was so nervous about what we'd find at "our" new house.  During the walk-through before closing, the home is supposed to be empty and move-in ready.  Instead, we were greeted by a barking dog in the house.  And a cat and parakeets.  Oh, and an entire house full of stuff-- Beyond all the normal clothes, furniture, etc. there was a  huge attic piled waist deep, a basement jam packed with stuff and a garage over-flowing.  We looked at our realtor in disbelief...."What now?"  Legally, as of closing (which was in an hour), all of the belongings left in the home would belong to us.  But we didn't really want such a hefty inheritance.  We just wanted to move in with our relatively meager belongings.

The long and short of it is that we let the seller move as much out the first two days that we owned the house.  After that we had someone clean it and we've been hauling stuff out (to the curb, a dumpster or Good Will)  ever since.  With anything sentimental (family photos, baby clothes, etc.) we get word out to the seller (through someone else) that there will be stuff she wants on the porch.  But, we've been left with a lot of garbage-- and some treasures, too, like my awesome red rocking chair :)

I am now quickly picking up the hobby of gardening as I have huge, huge gardens that haven't been tended to in a few years.  My parents have been a HUGE help in clearing out brush and identifying flowers vs. weeds.  We are very sllllowly getting things put together to make a home.  Much slower than this type-A, everything-needs-a-place girl would like.  But through all of it I'm learning patience.  And grace.  And compassion for a family that has had some hard-knocks and that is just struggling to remain in-tact.  Life sometimes throws us some weeds in the garden-bed.... But you just have to pluck them and keep going.

Thankful for our new house.  Come sit on our porch and talk awhile :)

Jackie

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Discipline is GOOD!

The last week or so I've implemented some new practices into our house and lives to make things flow a little smoother.  Maybe most people have these practices hard-wired into them, but I clearly did not.  Now that I'm disciplining myself to do them, I realize how sweet the fruits of training & discipline can truly be!

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."  Hebrews 12:11

These changes are simple, but effective~

#1-- "Re-setting" the kitchen and living room areas each night after Malachi is in bed.  For the last week, after putting the baby to bed, I have been "rolling up my shirt sleeves" & fully cleaning the kitchen (yes, often my husband offers to help!)  -- washing any pots/pans from supper or earlier in the day, running a load in the dishwasher, wiping counters, sweeping floors (does anyone else experience a toddler discreetly dropping the stickiest, gooiest messes onto the floor after every single meal?!)--

Wow!  What a difference it's made to wake up to a CLEAN kitchen!  I have found that I am more inspired and less overwhelmed to cook all day long the following day.  Clean, open spaces are so much more fun to cook in than the previous " leaning tower of Pisa" dishes piles that I used to glumly stare at all day long!

I also do a quick "sweep-though" of the toy-laden living room.  It takes all of 5 minutes and looks so much better when it's done!  Eventually (sooner than later) I'll have Malachi pitch in before bed to help clean his toys, but for now, it makes us all feel (subconsciously) more peaceful to wake up to the sun streaming through the slits of our living room blinds onto a spotless floor.  I've found that Malachi is more excited to play with his toys again when they are all put away-- it's like he is discovering them for the first time by taking them off the shelves and out of the baskets...

#2-- Meal Planning-- I don't know what it is, but sometimes I get into a terrible FUNK, where I cannot think of ONE thing I want to make for dinner.  Not one thing.  LOL.  Well, this week on a whim I decided to scratch out a rough outline of 4-5 meals to make this week BEFORE I went grocery shopping.  It takes a little prior planning, but what a difference!!! Around 3:30 or 4pm I am no longer racking my brain or searching through my pantry to decide what in the world I could make.  I am no longer stressed about meals.  I am no longer embarrassed about what I set in front of my husband after a long day of work... ("Uhh, sorry honey.... this is what we had on hand....")  It's just added a lot more peace and ENJOYMENT of delicious food in our household.  I definitely plan on keeping it up! :)

This week's meal plan looked like this:

Monday:  Spicy chicken and home-made guacamole on arepas (a Colombian tortilla-type food)
Tuesday:  Indonesian Den Deng with Nasi Uduk
Wednesday: Honey Mustard Chicken & Vegetable stir fry with brown rice
Thursday:  Chili w/ corn bread & honey
Friday: Leftovers!

Discipline... So painful, but so good! :)

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

a boy + a girl & some parasites

*I am not a doctor.  If you have a serious or life-threatening health condition, please seek advice from your doctor, not me. *

This is not a love story, as the title may suggest.  :)  This is a true story from my life about an unfortunate turn of events that led to a natural solution.  Maybe you'll never need the parasite-killing information found in this text-- but maybe you will.  Perhaps just keep it in the back of your mind for future reference and for now, enjoy:

Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl who traveled to the jungles of Mexico.  This was no resort stay, this was an absolute adventure, and I (the girl in the story) unfortunately did not have the best attitude. It was roughing it to the extreme and I was feeling worn out.  We were on a 2 month long missions trip and apparently my heart needed a little re-boot.  Anyways, into the jungle we hiked, all of us in a long line, hiking up and down little hills to reach a village where we were to stay for a couple days.

I truly wish in retrospect that I'd had a better attitude.  It was, after all, a once-in-a-lifetime kind of experience:  a remote village in the Chiapas jungle;  a group of genuine people opening their village to us foreigners;  a chance to witness life as I'd never seen it.   No running water.  No silverware.  No beds to speak of.  No chairs.  No toilets.  No doctors.  No toothbrushes or toothpaste.  No manicured lawns.  No air conditioning.  The list could go on.

BUT, they did have joy;  laughter;  family;  animals to love;  natural, gushing jungle beauty galore~ There were no shortages of these.

There was, however, a shortage of clean drinking water.  The water we drank, came from a large river that was rushing down rock canyons not too far of a hike from the village.  We hiked there one day after hot work in the sun to swim and relax.  Village children were also there, playing and washing in the crystal clear, refreshing waters.  These beautiful waters were laden with unseen passengers.  Parasites.  And after our trip they had found new homes.  Deep within our very bellies.

Having a parasite is no picnic.  Having a plethora of parasites, even worse.  Some of us were hospitalized and treated in Mexico.  I ended up <unknowingly> taking the little scavengers back with me to the States~ And in bathroom agony, realized that I had a serious problem on my hands.  A parasite problem.

I got a culture and was told that the type of parasite I had was particularly strong and resistant to antibiotic treatments.  For those inquiring minds, it is called Blastocystis Hominis.  So, I dug around and did a little research with some help from family.  What I found is what I'm sharing with you now-- 4 herbs that taken in combination, killed that parasite FOR GOOD within a month or so.


1) Tincture of clove
2) Black Walnut husk capsules
3) Oil of Oregano capsules
4) Tincture of Gentian

Please consult a naturopath to be certain that this would work for you.  Some of these herbs are VERY strong and can be harmful if taken incorrectly.  I alternated herbs so that the parasite never got a chance to become resistant to one.

So .... that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  Feel free to message me with any questions you have.  And, I have a lot more adventurous stories to share in the future, so stay tuned!!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Money Saver #1

So, I thought I'd start sharing a little of what I've learned over the last few years of being a wife and now a mommy~ money saving tips, natural remedies for illness, healthy recipes, etc.   Today, I'll start with a 2 in 1:  a money saver + healthy recipe idea! :)

The (not so) novel idea:  Dried Black Beans.  Just a little over $2 for a 2 lb. bag at Walmart.

The How-To:  There are a lot of STRANGE ideas of how to cook dried beans out there.  I think a lot of people are just plain intimidated by the thought, hence all those slimy, cooked, canned beans out there.  I was one of the intimidated ones and until I got married and was encouraged by my husband to give it a try.  Then I discovered, it's actually easy.

1) On a plate or clean, dry surface, sift through the beans, searching for rocks or anything that doesn't resemble a bean.  Remove.

2) Rinse beans with cold water in a strainer.

3)  Put rinsed beans in a large stock pot and cover with water  (cover them sufficiently, you don't want to run out of water).   Cover and bring to a boil.

4)  Once boiling, turn down and allow to simmer for an hour or so-- beans should be quite well cooked and even breaking apart a little before they are done.

5) Drain in strainer and rinse with cool water once again.

Voila!  This will make A LOT of beans-- Several meals worth!  Now, what to do with them?!?

Meal Ideas: 

1) Black Beans & Rice~  Not a new idea, but very healthy.  Season black beans with salt and eat with white or brown rice.  You can garnish with salsa, guacamole, greens, etc.  Or add some corn chips and/or a corn or flour tortilla and eat like Chipotle.

2) Chili~ Black beans are great for chili-- Brown up some beef or venison in our case, add beans, diced onion, canned tomato sauce/whole tomatoes and lots of chili powder.  Done!

3) Refried Beans~  Put leftover beans in an oiled skillet and season with fresh lime juice, salt and cayenne pepper.  Cook until well heated through.  Delish!

* They also freeze very well, so freeze half and take them out when you need a meal in a pinch :)

Jackie


Saturday, April 20, 2013

Today was SO refreshing and fun with my two boys!  We spent this gorgeous SUNNY day doing things that we love to do as a family~ This of course meant starting out the day with a delicious BREAKFAST!  Breakfast is my very favorite meal of the day--other meals kind of fade away for me if I've had a good breakfast with a steaming cup of black coffee or bitter tea (yep, we like our tea bitter around here, think *Clouds & Mist* from TeaSource.  (www.teasource.com)  So today we hopped over to the quaint and cute little town of Zumbrota to eat at Bridget's CafĂ©.  It was midmorning so we were already adequately hungry (okay, this is an understatement).   Malachi had already had his first breakfast of the day and was ravenous for MORE (insert sign language "more" sign here) :)  I had the Egg Skillet plate (scrambled eggs with peppers, onions, mushrooms, bacon, potatoes and cheddar cheese) and Elijah had the basic eggs & pancakes & bacon plate.  Malachi ate from both plates.  Then he proceeded to win the hearts of the other diners before we went on our way.

Next we parked near the library where there happens to be a beautiful series of bronze statues of children dancing and other tall pieces of art with poetry (think crisp air, beautiful sunshine, morning glory, POETRY and a happy child to boot!  Bliss!)  Malachi, Elijah and I had so much fun playing chase around the statues~ We took a walk across the historic covered bridge which M LOVED to walk across.  You could see the rushing river waters through the slots on the floor and that was probably fascinating for him.  He kept saying "wawa!" and pointing to the river.  I love that he delights in nature like we do.  We played at the wooden castle park and met new little friends there.  It sadly ended with Malachi slamming his face into playground equipment and getting his first bloody nose... Sigh..  We revived ourselves in the public library and he loved running through their aisles and playing with their toys.  (I can imagine the gasps here as you imagine him running & squealing through a quiet library, but it wasn't that bad! haha)

After a nap and lunch at home, we went back out to enjoy the day, this time to a set of lakes in Rochester that I had never been to before.  We walked (the simple act of walking is SO FUN for Malachi since it's new and his joy makes everything feel more exciting for us, too)  Elijah identified lots of waterfowl on the water, including migrating Loons, Coots and a Horned Grebe!  Malachi excitedly pointed out every dog that walked past us and even pointed out the moon that was faintly in the sky!  Smart boy! We met lots of interesting people at a park (nearby Mayo)-- especially a cute family from Chile, South America!  Loved hearing their beautiful Spanish, especially spoken by their darling preschool-aged daughter.  ("Higher, Higher, Daddy!" she'd exclaim while being pushed on the swings)

Days like today are a needed bit of JOY in a life that is so often work-driven~  Family. Sunshine. Food. Discovering.  Beauty.  Laughter.  I am thankful for all of the above :)  Thank you God!