I just want to remember all the little things... which are really, the big things~
M-guy is 14.5 months old. This is such a precious age. His favorite person in the world right now is "Mama" closely followed by "Dada." This morning I left to attend MOPS--Mothers of Preschoolers (or in my case, MOBS--Mother of Baby) :) Elijah told me that every other second, M-guy was looking out the window, asking "Mama? Mama?" At one point, he laid down on my fluffy, white winter jacket, stroking it and saying my name lovingly... (Tear at my heart strings! How's a girl supposed to EVER leave home when she hears something like that!?) When I finally did pull into the garage 4 hours later, I have never seen such a look of pure joy & love as I saw on M's face... He almost looked as if he was wildly cheering or laughing--or both at once. At first I wondered what wonderful thing Elijah had said or done to make him so happy... Then it hit me-- I was what was making him so happy. What a profound realization of being so very loved.
M also has a very special place in his heart for "Dada." Elijah left for a work meeting for the entire afternoon, and M kept asking for him. We went on a walk outside (gorgeous spring-like day, finally!) and every little noise he heard from other houses made him question if it was Elijah, "Dada?" Then he'd head towards the noise-- as if the ONLY person in the whole world that it could be was his very special father :)
M frequently comes to me during the day for a hug or cuddle time or to be picked up and held. I do not mind at all! :) I am so thankful that God gave me such an outgoing, vibrant, joyful, cuddly & loving little boy. Our home is filled with his laughter and noises~ how quiet it was before he came into our lives!
These times I hold close to my heart. I don't want to forget the sweetness, the joy, the love~
Jackie
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Authentic: true to one's own personality, spirit, or character
Transparent: free from pretense or deceit
Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty
Last night I went to a Chris Tomlin concert with my family. Not just my immediate family, but lots of unknown family. As a Christian, I believe that those who have put their hope in Christ are my family, not just in this life but the life to come. And so as I looked out on the sea of faces that filled the Target Center, faces unfamiliar, faces with eyes that I've never looked into, dreams that I've never listened to, smiles I've never received, I felt at home. Because together, we were worshipping God. Loving God. And that feels so right and so pure in a time and age when we so rarely have time to worship or love Someone unseen and faraway.
But I digress. In that space, filled with impressive lights and chest reverberating sounds, I had a thought. An idea. Perhaps a little nudge from the One who made me. Maybe I should write again. But not just write. Maybe I should write authentically. Transparently. And as the idea sinks in and then takes flight, Maybe I should write courageously.
As can be clearly seen, I have not written a blog post in awhile. And do you want to know why? ... It feels too vulnerable. Too real. Too open and honest. Because I'm not a person to write about fluff. Things with no substance. I want to be real in my words and speech, and I can't write any other way. But that becomes messy. Because we live in a world that does not want to hear certain things. Messy things. Real things. Oh, they claim they want to hear. But in actuality, in reality, when it's all said and done, I don't think it's true. Why? Because sometimes others' words and perspective cause us to be angry. Or afraid. Or to question things that we thought we had figured out.
Well my disclaimer is this: This space is for me to write. To write what I think and feel; To write what I believe; To write what is important to me. Why? Because I think when we do this, when we are authentic to our true selves, it makes a difference. Maybe just inside of us. Maybe to others. But in the end, I hope it makes matters to God. Because it's His glory that can be seen in our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. When we are weak, He is strong.
xxoo
Jackie
Transparent: free from pretense or deceit
Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty
Last night I went to a Chris Tomlin concert with my family. Not just my immediate family, but lots of unknown family. As a Christian, I believe that those who have put their hope in Christ are my family, not just in this life but the life to come. And so as I looked out on the sea of faces that filled the Target Center, faces unfamiliar, faces with eyes that I've never looked into, dreams that I've never listened to, smiles I've never received, I felt at home. Because together, we were worshipping God. Loving God. And that feels so right and so pure in a time and age when we so rarely have time to worship or love Someone unseen and faraway.
But I digress. In that space, filled with impressive lights and chest reverberating sounds, I had a thought. An idea. Perhaps a little nudge from the One who made me. Maybe I should write again. But not just write. Maybe I should write authentically. Transparently. And as the idea sinks in and then takes flight, Maybe I should write courageously.
As can be clearly seen, I have not written a blog post in awhile. And do you want to know why? ... It feels too vulnerable. Too real. Too open and honest. Because I'm not a person to write about fluff. Things with no substance. I want to be real in my words and speech, and I can't write any other way. But that becomes messy. Because we live in a world that does not want to hear certain things. Messy things. Real things. Oh, they claim they want to hear. But in actuality, in reality, when it's all said and done, I don't think it's true. Why? Because sometimes others' words and perspective cause us to be angry. Or afraid. Or to question things that we thought we had figured out.
Well my disclaimer is this: This space is for me to write. To write what I think and feel; To write what I believe; To write what is important to me. Why? Because I think when we do this, when we are authentic to our true selves, it makes a difference. Maybe just inside of us. Maybe to others. But in the end, I hope it makes matters to God. Because it's His glory that can be seen in our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. When we are weak, He is strong.
xxoo
Jackie
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Life Happens!
Quite often, life just doesn't go as planned.
People often commented this fact to me leading up to my labor. "Don't get too set on your birth plan," they'd gravely say. "Things never go the way you think they will" was the sage advice. But I was indignant--just because OTHERS had traumatic, over-the-top labors didn't mean that I had to. In my wet behind the ears estimation, I had done "everything right." I was taking a very expensive, high-quality packet of pre-natal vitamins daily for a whole year before I got pregnant...just to get my body ready. I exercised nearly every day and ate very healthy (especially if you call dark chocolate healthy) :) I was ready~ "Bring on the childbirth", I thought!
And then, as happens in all good plots, things went awry. I started to get a whiff of it when my due date came and went without even the hint of a Braxton Hicks contraction. Then a week overdue came and went. No Braxton Hicks. Two weeks. Nada. Now I was getting nervous. Did I happen to mention that sweet little baby girl ME was 18 days overdue? "This can't be happening to me," I thought as the days passed glibly by.
And then I did it. I'll admit, I was warned. But the promise of what that bottle of Castor Oil could do for me was just too tempting. At 15 days overdue I drank a castor oil smoothie. And it actually tasted good! I wondered what would happen next... I waited. And as I had anticipated, I got sick. But then, it happened! Labor began! We packed the car and headed up to the Cities to stay with family so we could be closer to the natural childbirth center where I would have a natural water birth attended by a Nurse Midwife. (Clearly, I had it all planned out).
Labor lasted all night, but fizzled out in by morning. I was SO BUMMED. I did a lot of walking and waited it out. Labor resumed that evening and lasted all night--but in true form, fizzled out again by morning. Just so we're on the same page, that's now 2 nights of little sleep between contractions. The next day (Day 3) I had contractions interspersed all day. By 11pm, they were very regular and increasingly STRONG. I labored all night (third night of labor) and didn't really sleep. I labored all night and all day the next day and then on into the night. By 2a.m. the next morning (28 hours of strong, unmedicated labor later) I fizzled out. My body started shaking and couldn't stop. My ketone levels were really high. I began having the kind of "out of body" experience that happens when you're in a lot of pain and your body doesn't know how to handle it. Add that to the fact that my dilation began to regress and you have a grim picture.
Two I.V.s later, I began to beg to be taken to the hospital. I truly did not think I had the energy to push the baby out. He/She felt very stuck.
"Why else could my labor be lasting so long?"
I'll spare you the movie-quality, adventure-packed story of my crazy transfer to a hospital and all THAT entailed, but let's just say, "Honey, it wasn't pretty." 36 hours of labor in total, and I pushed my sweet 9 lb. 21.8 inch baby BOY into this world. Sweetest victorious moment in my life.
Life sometimes happens in stark contrast to our dreams. But we're okay and I'm thankful.
People often commented this fact to me leading up to my labor. "Don't get too set on your birth plan," they'd gravely say. "Things never go the way you think they will" was the sage advice. But I was indignant--just because OTHERS had traumatic, over-the-top labors didn't mean that I had to. In my wet behind the ears estimation, I had done "everything right." I was taking a very expensive, high-quality packet of pre-natal vitamins daily for a whole year before I got pregnant...just to get my body ready. I exercised nearly every day and ate very healthy (especially if you call dark chocolate healthy) :) I was ready~ "Bring on the childbirth", I thought!
And then, as happens in all good plots, things went awry. I started to get a whiff of it when my due date came and went without even the hint of a Braxton Hicks contraction. Then a week overdue came and went. No Braxton Hicks. Two weeks. Nada. Now I was getting nervous. Did I happen to mention that sweet little baby girl ME was 18 days overdue? "This can't be happening to me," I thought as the days passed glibly by.
And then I did it. I'll admit, I was warned. But the promise of what that bottle of Castor Oil could do for me was just too tempting. At 15 days overdue I drank a castor oil smoothie. And it actually tasted good! I wondered what would happen next... I waited. And as I had anticipated, I got sick. But then, it happened! Labor began! We packed the car and headed up to the Cities to stay with family so we could be closer to the natural childbirth center where I would have a natural water birth attended by a Nurse Midwife. (Clearly, I had it all planned out).
Labor lasted all night, but fizzled out in by morning. I was SO BUMMED. I did a lot of walking and waited it out. Labor resumed that evening and lasted all night--but in true form, fizzled out again by morning. Just so we're on the same page, that's now 2 nights of little sleep between contractions. The next day (Day 3) I had contractions interspersed all day. By 11pm, they were very regular and increasingly STRONG. I labored all night (third night of labor) and didn't really sleep. I labored all night and all day the next day and then on into the night. By 2a.m. the next morning (28 hours of strong, unmedicated labor later) I fizzled out. My body started shaking and couldn't stop. My ketone levels were really high. I began having the kind of "out of body" experience that happens when you're in a lot of pain and your body doesn't know how to handle it. Add that to the fact that my dilation began to regress and you have a grim picture.
Two I.V.s later, I began to beg to be taken to the hospital. I truly did not think I had the energy to push the baby out. He/She felt very stuck.
"Why else could my labor be lasting so long?"
I'll spare you the movie-quality, adventure-packed story of my crazy transfer to a hospital and all THAT entailed, but let's just say, "Honey, it wasn't pretty." 36 hours of labor in total, and I pushed my sweet 9 lb. 21.8 inch baby BOY into this world. Sweetest victorious moment in my life.
Life sometimes happens in stark contrast to our dreams. But we're okay and I'm thankful.
Friday, April 20, 2012
 |
| Growing with my Baby
Having a baby is SUCH a growing experience--clearly in more ways than one!! It's kind of surreal to have this little nugget inside of you for SO LONG (much longer for me than most being 20 days overdue...) and then, poof, baby's in my arms and in my home and forever in my heart. And now I'm a Mom.
Now I'm that lady pushing her baby in a shopping cart making all the goo goo ga ga noises to him, oblivious of all the other child-less people around me thinking I'm crazy. I'm that person that gets peed on and puked on at least once a day and doesn't think it's gross; I'm the one who doesn't have a life outside of my baby and thinks it's the greatest privilege in the world to get out to do mundane tasks like grocery shopping or working out for 30 minutes before being summoned to feed the starving little child.
But not to scare those who haven't passed into the realm of motherhood yet. There is nothing more precious than holding your little prize after all the huffing and puffing of pushing him out. Looking into those tiny eyes that look to you for all the love and comfort and nourishment he needs is SO PRECIOUS. Seriously. And now, at almost 3 months, having him flash me the most award-winning smile just because I'm his Mom and he loves me--nothing sweeter. The way he cuddles into me when he's tired and clings to me like a little baby orangutan... These are the things I've dreamt of but couldn't imagine as my reality.
Here's to starting to blog about my life as a Mom and all the other little things in between. It's going to be a wild ride!
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Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Beginning wk. 6
We have crossed the half-way point and are now finishing up the last four weeks of filming the movie in Colombia. It has been quite an adventure, living in a place that 2 years ago was not even safe enough to visit. A lot has changed in two years, and we are living proof that God is really healing the land of Colombia from it's history of bloodshed and violence.
What more can I say? We live right outside of a very small town at the base of the mountains. The townspeople now "know" us and like to chat with us when we're in town, whether it be for grocery shopping, playing a game of fútbol, stopping by one of the many bakeries or getting a cool juice drink. It is very hot here and there is no air conditioning. We take very cold showers every day as there is no option for hot water, but that works out well with the heat anyways. There is an army base right outside of town, and lots of soldiers everywhere. We are getting used to seeing huge guns casually sported around town.
As far as the movie goes, we are ahead of schedule with the filming, and may be able to head back to Bogotá before we thought. The days are often hot and long, but the rewards great as the scenes are coming out so beautifully! After we leave for MN, the team here will edit the film and work on everything that goes on with putting a movie together. We hope it will be out by spring, 2012. :)
Yesterday was a free day, which we get once a week. Elijah and I were invited up to the mountain farm of a couple who have helped with the movie: Don Luis and his wife Doña Orpha. They are a very warm and interesting couple, who are former teachers from southern Colombia. They live in a quaint wooden home on the edge of the mountain. Half of their living space is open air, with a big shaded patio where you can view the myriads of hummingbirds whizzing through the house or the toucans resting in a fruit tree nearby. At night, the stars over the mountains are brilliant, with no pollution or lights to dim them. Luis and Orpha grow cacao, the chocolate plant, and showed us how they produce their own chocolate step-by-step. We then enjoyed a cup of steaming hot chocolate paired with cheese and sweet bread. It was so fun!
I'll have to add photos later!
Ciao!
What more can I say? We live right outside of a very small town at the base of the mountains. The townspeople now "know" us and like to chat with us when we're in town, whether it be for grocery shopping, playing a game of fútbol, stopping by one of the many bakeries or getting a cool juice drink. It is very hot here and there is no air conditioning. We take very cold showers every day as there is no option for hot water, but that works out well with the heat anyways. There is an army base right outside of town, and lots of soldiers everywhere. We are getting used to seeing huge guns casually sported around town.
As far as the movie goes, we are ahead of schedule with the filming, and may be able to head back to Bogotá before we thought. The days are often hot and long, but the rewards great as the scenes are coming out so beautifully! After we leave for MN, the team here will edit the film and work on everything that goes on with putting a movie together. We hope it will be out by spring, 2012. :)
Yesterday was a free day, which we get once a week. Elijah and I were invited up to the mountain farm of a couple who have helped with the movie: Don Luis and his wife Doña Orpha. They are a very warm and interesting couple, who are former teachers from southern Colombia. They live in a quaint wooden home on the edge of the mountain. Half of their living space is open air, with a big shaded patio where you can view the myriads of hummingbirds whizzing through the house or the toucans resting in a fruit tree nearby. At night, the stars over the mountains are brilliant, with no pollution or lights to dim them. Luis and Orpha grow cacao, the chocolate plant, and showed us how they produce their own chocolate step-by-step. We then enjoyed a cup of steaming hot chocolate paired with cheese and sweet bread. It was so fun!
I'll have to add photos later!
Ciao!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
End of wk. 2
Sometimes I look down and my growing belly and up at the cloud crowned mountains and can't believe we're here~ But each new day and it's experiences prove that yes, we are living this adventure.
My days have been quite different than Elijah's the last couple weeks. He has been filming every scene from the movie for about 12 hours a day at different locations around the mountains. One particular day that stands out, the film crew and actors accompanied the Colombian military up a mountain for a 45 minute hike only to reach the sound of gunfire and bombs going off! The soldiers threw their helmets at the film crew and everyone crouched down low. Thankfully, it was just a practice zone for the military, but they said it felt like they were in a war! Elijah said the guys loved it!! They each got to shoot one of the machine guns into a target and one of our guys got to light a grenade.... Yikes..
Elijah has been seeing myriads of exotic birds every single day and absolutely LOVES it. Colombia is truly the land of birds.
I am personally thankful that I have mostly stayed around the finca that we're staying at. I teach my 1st grade student twice a day and spend the rest of the time reading in a hammock, swimming and going on outings up to the mountain to view the filming or down to the nearest village to shop for groceries, observe the locals and once to watch a local dance competition.
Baby has been more and more active. Yesterday for example, after eating a couple bananas (no, one doesn't do it for me anymore), baby started kicking like crazy. I think he/she REALLY likes bananas!
Please pray for us as we're here. There are certainly challenges to being pregnant in a foreign land, and I would appreciate any prayer support that I can get!
Ciao!
My days have been quite different than Elijah's the last couple weeks. He has been filming every scene from the movie for about 12 hours a day at different locations around the mountains. One particular day that stands out, the film crew and actors accompanied the Colombian military up a mountain for a 45 minute hike only to reach the sound of gunfire and bombs going off! The soldiers threw their helmets at the film crew and everyone crouched down low. Thankfully, it was just a practice zone for the military, but they said it felt like they were in a war! Elijah said the guys loved it!! They each got to shoot one of the machine guns into a target and one of our guys got to light a grenade.... Yikes..
Elijah has been seeing myriads of exotic birds every single day and absolutely LOVES it. Colombia is truly the land of birds.
Baby has been more and more active. Yesterday for example, after eating a couple bananas (no, one doesn't do it for me anymore), baby started kicking like crazy. I think he/she REALLY likes bananas!
Please pray for us as we're here. There are certainly challenges to being pregnant in a foreign land, and I would appreciate any prayer support that I can get!
Ciao!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Colombian Movie-Making Adventure Begins!
We are here, just like that, moved from quiet suburbia, MN to quiet plains-near-the-mountains, Colombia. Here is a snippet of our recent adventure:
Day 1:
Arrived in Bogotá at night after a grueling day of flying~ My bag has been lost in the system and so I've been wearing the same blue capris and black shirt for the past 5 days...We were picked up by a friend here and delivered to his family's home in Chapinero Alto (a lovely part of Bogotá) for a good night's sleep.
Day 2:
We slept so well~ Bogota is in the mountains and very cool~in the 60's. It was a nice relief after Minnesota's humid summer! We took a walk, noticing the thinner air as we huffed and puffed a little walking up hill. We exchanged $ and met a friend, Jon Captain, for breakfast at a place that specializes in "comida llanera" --Food of the plains. Elijah had tinto (a small cup of strong coffee), scrambled eggs, arepa con queso (a thick corn pastry with cheese inside) and an empanada. I had strong hot chocolate (a common breakfast drink), scrambled eggs & arepa con queso. We stopped at a little drogueria (drug store) on our way home so that I could pick out some essentials that were in my lost bag. Shortly thereafter we left in a truck for Cubarral, a town in the plains, on the edge of the mountains, where we'll be based for filming. We wound through the mountains for 5 1/2 hours and drove through some especially interesting tunnels that were dripping a disturbing amount of water onto our car! We arrived at the farm in the evening and went to bed. It is much hotter in Cubarral than Bogotá and our room felt like a hot coffin. After a mini-melt-down (literally) we found a fan to use and slept very well.
Day 3:
Elijah and the lighting & sound guys worked on setting up all the camera equipment and lights and figuring it all out before filming day. I had my first reading lesson with a 1st grader that I'm tutoring. All the teaching materials that I had packed to use with her are still in my lost bag... so we had to improvise a bit. I also took a dip in the farm's beautiful pool... such a nice addition to a hot place, especially since it's overlooking the gorgeous mountains.
Day 4:
Day 1:
Arrived in Bogotá at night after a grueling day of flying~ My bag has been lost in the system and so I've been wearing the same blue capris and black shirt for the past 5 days...We were picked up by a friend here and delivered to his family's home in Chapinero Alto (a lovely part of Bogotá) for a good night's sleep.
Day 2:
We slept so well~ Bogota is in the mountains and very cool~in the 60's. It was a nice relief after Minnesota's humid summer! We took a walk, noticing the thinner air as we huffed and puffed a little walking up hill. We exchanged $ and met a friend, Jon Captain, for breakfast at a place that specializes in "comida llanera" --Food of the plains. Elijah had tinto (a small cup of strong coffee), scrambled eggs, arepa con queso (a thick corn pastry with cheese inside) and an empanada. I had strong hot chocolate (a common breakfast drink), scrambled eggs & arepa con queso. We stopped at a little drogueria (drug store) on our way home so that I could pick out some essentials that were in my lost bag. Shortly thereafter we left in a truck for Cubarral, a town in the plains, on the edge of the mountains, where we'll be based for filming. We wound through the mountains for 5 1/2 hours and drove through some especially interesting tunnels that were dripping a disturbing amount of water onto our car! We arrived at the farm in the evening and went to bed. It is much hotter in Cubarral than Bogotá and our room felt like a hot coffin. After a mini-melt-down (literally) we found a fan to use and slept very well.
Day 3:
Elijah and the lighting & sound guys worked on setting up all the camera equipment and lights and figuring it all out before filming day. I had my first reading lesson with a 1st grader that I'm tutoring. All the teaching materials that I had packed to use with her are still in my lost bag... so we had to improvise a bit. I also took a dip in the farm's beautiful pool... such a nice addition to a hot place, especially since it's overlooking the gorgeous mountains.
Day 4:
Our first filming day! We left bright and early and drove to a beautiful finca (farm) in the mountains to film our first 3 scenes. After 12 hours of takes (with some breaks due to a sudden thunderstorm) we only got 2 of the 3 scenes done. But they are BEAUTIFUL. We watched the footage later and we were all in awe. Elijah is working with a lighting guy and sound guy, and the three of them make an awesome filming team. The makeup artist is fabulous, the directors/script writers inspired, and the actors were well practiced & incredibly patient with all the takes we took. Two Colombian military "guarded" us all day and also brought weapons & clothing for us to use as props/costumes in the scenes. They were very careful to doubly check that the guns were not loaded!! I took aim at a couple trees with a 9 millimeter... it was really cool. haha.
We will film 6 days a week for the next 8 weeks. We hope to get all the 90+ scenes filmed in that time. Here's to our Colombian adventure! :)
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