Stumbling Forward

And the world stumbles madly forward.

What else can we do?

War in Ukraine;  War in Israel, Palestine, Syria; Horrific persecution in Iraq; Ebola ravaging Africa; Black teen shot & killed;  Innocent child raped and murdered; Famous actor taking his life~

And still, we stumble forward.

We wake up.  We care for our children, our spouse.  We go to work and fulfill our duties.  We write checks to pay our bills.  We wash dishes, take walks, think, pray.

We all desperately need God.  Hope.  Peace.  Love.  Love for our enemies.  Love for those who persecute us.  Love, often, for ourselves.  The grace of Jesus to cover our failings, shortcomings, imperfections;  Our glaring imperfections.

Amazing grace.  I wish I could just "get" it.  For myself. For others.  That perfection doesn't have to be the goal because it can never be on this earth.  That who I am, who you are, is enough, Today.

And someday, when face to face with God in Heaven, I will be whole~ perfect in His perfection.

But until then, I must stumble forward.  Because at least then, I am alive.  Trying.  Loving, though imperfectly.  Apologizing when I fail.  Forgiving when others fail me.  Getting back up and stumbling forward again.

And maybe if covered in God's grace, this stumbling journey may end up appearing Beautiful.  Grace-full.  Not perfect, but enough.  Because I'm here.  Trying.  And turning my eyes and my life over to the One who is perfect and who is Love.

May God be with all those hurting souls around the world.  May His grace & love give them the courage and hope to stumble forward, right along with the rest of us.

Something Beautiful

A lot of blog posts have been running through the back of my mind the last couple months... usually at the end of a hurried day of toddler and baby activities, when I finally crash into my pillow and close my eyes, the scattered words come.  I think about how I'll tell the story, the words I will use, the sequence of thoughts, but I've been too tired and busy to write.

Well now, with baby propped up with a pillow while nursing and toddler upstairs napping, I am attempting to write one of many thoughts from the last couple months.

Rewind to about 8 weeks ago.  I was anticipating the birth of my second born-- I knew it was a boy and I knew his name would be Micah.  I also knew, from prior experience, the pain that was before me with the advent of labor.  Some things are better not known... the pains of childbirth are one of them.  I was seriously worried about it.  My first labor was 36 hours long and somewhat complicated.  I feared a repeat performance with this child.

One day, as I was laying down to rest while my toddler napped, I was praying to God about it, telling Him how afraid I was... how He needed to give me strength to get through it, how I didn't think I could go through it again...basically listing off my grievances.  Mid-sentence I heard this:

"What if it will be beautiful?"

My whirlwind of thoughts froze mid-stream.  I repeated it back in my head, "What if it will be beautiful?!  What if...  What if...."  I had no answer for that.  I had NEVER allowed myself to even imagine such a thing was possible.  A small flame of hope was lit inside me that day.  God's love warmed me and I knew He had it in His hands.  

Active labor finally came on Valentine's Day~ And it was quick.  And it was hard.  But it was beautiful...

On the drive to the hospital, contractions were getting somewhat unbearable and close together.  A song came on the radio, right when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore.  It said, "The pain won't last forever; things can only get better.  Believe me, this is going to make you stronger..."  Those lyrics helped me so much.  I repeated them through the hard parts, and it was a sign to me to keep going.  I wasn't alone.

Micah was born less than 3 hours upon arriving at the hospital.  Everything went flawlessly.  Just as she was leaving my hospital room, my midwife said,  "That was a beautiful birth."

And. time. stood. still.

I remembered the words God has whispered to me in my bedroom a couple weeks prior.  "What if it will be beautiful?"  It was beautiful.  And God is good.  And even when labors are hard and complicated like my first, He goes with us through the difficulty.  And sometimes He gives us beautiful labors.  And that is His GRACE to us.  His grace to me.  And I was so thankful and I AM so thankful.

God can give you something beautiful.  Seek Him for it.  He loves you;  He loves me.

The Story of our 1st Home

As I sit writing on my new porch, in a pretty red rocking chair that I "inherited,"  the chaos of the last few weeks, or months, feels a little surreal.  The passing of time, as well as the fact that God has been changing my heart towards the seller of our home, means you'll get a much different story today than had I written it in the fury and frustration of last week.  So here's the story of how we ended up in this pretty, blue, two-story home, built in 1910 by an ice cream maker whose daughter was an artist.

When it comes to houses, Elijah and I are pretty picky.  We gave our realtor a LONG list of requirements and restrictions when it came to what we were looking for.  Add in the fact that the housing inventory was extremely low when we started looking (in March) and there just wasn't much coming up in our price range that was in our liking.

Another problem, was that we didn't know where we wanted to live.... The Cities or Rochester area? Town or country?  We were soooo confused.  We ended up searching both in the Cities and in the Rochester area, working with two different realtors for a short time... kinda messy.  Anyways, after falling in love with an old home in the country, putting an offer in on a different house in downtown Rochester, and then nearly giving up on finding ANYTHING we'd settle on, we were getting pretty burnt out on the house search.

Until one day, Elijah called me into the office and said, "What do you think about this home?"  I was skeptical.  There was only one picture of the outside of the home-- usually a very bad sign.  Also, it was  huge and still in our price range-- another sketchy sign.  "Sigh.... we can go look at it if you want.." I said.  

The first hurdle was getting into the house to take a look.  The seller was too "busy."  After days of hassling, we finally got in.  At this point, we were informed that it was a divorce case and only half of the couple wanted to sell.  We knew we needed to get in and out and make a decision, quick!  We quickly decided that yes, it was just what we wanted (after touring dozens and dozens of homes, you just know).  We put in an offer that night.  And then waited,  and waited.  We waited 2 weeks (instead of the usual 2 day time limit) to hear back from the seller-- whether it was a yes, a no or a counter-offer.   They countered and also pushed back the closing date 2 weeks, which at that point was 2 1/2 months away.  We accepted and then celebrated~ Yay!  We're buying our first home!

Then the trouble began.  I noticed that the closing date was set for a Sunday-- but the bank isn't open on Sundays.  I asked our realtor if this was a problem.  She said, no, we'd just have to get the seller(s) to sign an amendment, pushing the closing date either up two days or back a day.  Inwardly, I groaned, knowing that getting the seller's signature the first time was a MIRACLE.  Getting it a second time would be tough.  I was right.  She refused to sign the amendment (for no reason).  We waited a month, trying to get her to sign it.  Meanwhile, I am packing up our entire house, which is not my favorite thing in the world to do....

After a lot of drama and people making sacrifices on both ends, she ended up signing-- 3 days before we were supposed to close!!  But she said she'd need more time to pack her house-- she hadn't even started.  The cut-off on our pre-approved interest rate was coming up quickly, so we said the most we could give her was 1 week.

Closing day came-- I was so nervous about what we'd find at "our" new house.  During the walk-through before closing, the home is supposed to be empty and move-in ready.  Instead, we were greeted by a barking dog in the house.  And a cat and parakeets.  Oh, and an entire house full of stuff-- Beyond all the normal clothes, furniture, etc. there was a  huge attic piled waist deep, a basement jam packed with stuff and a garage over-flowing.  We looked at our realtor in disbelief...."What now?"  Legally, as of closing (which was in an hour), all of the belongings left in the home would belong to us.  But we didn't really want such a hefty inheritance.  We just wanted to move in with our relatively meager belongings.

The long and short of it is that we let the seller move as much out the first two days that we owned the house.  After that we had someone clean it and we've been hauling stuff out (to the curb, a dumpster or Good Will)  ever since.  With anything sentimental (family photos, baby clothes, etc.) we get word out to the seller (through someone else) that there will be stuff she wants on the porch.  But, we've been left with a lot of garbage-- and some treasures, too, like my awesome red rocking chair :)

I am now quickly picking up the hobby of gardening as I have huge, huge gardens that haven't been tended to in a few years.  My parents have been a HUGE help in clearing out brush and identifying flowers vs. weeds.  We are very sllllowly getting things put together to make a home.  Much slower than this type-A, everything-needs-a-place girl would like.  But through all of it I'm learning patience.  And grace.  And compassion for a family that has had some hard-knocks and that is just struggling to remain in-tact.  Life sometimes throws us some weeds in the garden-bed.... But you just have to pluck them and keep going.

Thankful for our new house.  Come sit on our porch and talk awhile :)

Jackie

Discipline is GOOD!

The last week or so I've implemented some new practices into our house and lives to make things flow a little smoother.  Maybe most people have these practices hard-wired into them, but I clearly did not.  Now that I'm disciplining myself to do them, I realize how sweet the fruits of training & discipline can truly be!

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."  Hebrews 12:11

These changes are simple, but effective~

#1-- "Re-setting" the kitchen and living room areas each night after Malachi is in bed.  For the last week, after putting the baby to bed, I have been "rolling up my shirt sleeves" & fully cleaning the kitchen (yes, often my husband offers to help!)  -- washing any pots/pans from supper or earlier in the day, running a load in the dishwasher, wiping counters, sweeping floors (does anyone else experience a toddler discreetly dropping the stickiest, gooiest messes onto the floor after every single meal?!)--

Wow!  What a difference it's made to wake up to a CLEAN kitchen!  I have found that I am more inspired and less overwhelmed to cook all day long the following day.  Clean, open spaces are so much more fun to cook in than the previous " leaning tower of Pisa" dishes piles that I used to glumly stare at all day long!

I also do a quick "sweep-though" of the toy-laden living room.  It takes all of 5 minutes and looks so much better when it's done!  Eventually (sooner than later) I'll have Malachi pitch in before bed to help clean his toys, but for now, it makes us all feel (subconsciously) more peaceful to wake up to the sun streaming through the slits of our living room blinds onto a spotless floor.  I've found that Malachi is more excited to play with his toys again when they are all put away-- it's like he is discovering them for the first time by taking them off the shelves and out of the baskets...

#2-- Meal Planning-- I don't know what it is, but sometimes I get into a terrible FUNK, where I cannot think of ONE thing I want to make for dinner.  Not one thing.  LOL.  Well, this week on a whim I decided to scratch out a rough outline of 4-5 meals to make this week BEFORE I went grocery shopping.  It takes a little prior planning, but what a difference!!! Around 3:30 or 4pm I am no longer racking my brain or searching through my pantry to decide what in the world I could make.  I am no longer stressed about meals.  I am no longer embarrassed about what I set in front of my husband after a long day of work... ("Uhh, sorry honey.... this is what we had on hand....")  It's just added a lot more peace and ENJOYMENT of delicious food in our household.  I definitely plan on keeping it up! :)

This week's meal plan looked like this:

Monday:  Spicy chicken and home-made guacamole on arepas (a Colombian tortilla-type food)
Tuesday:  Indonesian Den Deng with Nasi Uduk
Wednesday: Honey Mustard Chicken & Vegetable stir fry with brown rice
Thursday:  Chili w/ corn bread & honey
Friday: Leftovers!

Discipline... So painful, but so good! :)

a boy + a girl & some parasites

*I am not a doctor.  If you have a serious or life-threatening health condition, please seek advice from your doctor, not me. *

This is not a love story, as the title may suggest.  :)  This is a true story from my life about an unfortunate turn of events that led to a natural solution.  Maybe you'll never need the parasite-killing information found in this text-- but maybe you will.  Perhaps just keep it in the back of your mind for future reference and for now, enjoy:

Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl who traveled to the jungles of Mexico.  This was no resort stay, this was an absolute adventure, and I (the girl in the story) unfortunately did not have the best attitude. It was roughing it to the extreme and I was feeling worn out.  We were on a 2 month long missions trip and apparently my heart needed a little re-boot.  Anyways, into the jungle we hiked, all of us in a long line, hiking up and down little hills to reach a village where we were to stay for a couple days.

I truly wish in retrospect that I'd had a better attitude.  It was, after all, a once-in-a-lifetime kind of experience:  a remote village in the Chiapas jungle;  a group of genuine people opening their village to us foreigners;  a chance to witness life as I'd never seen it.   No running water.  No silverware.  No beds to speak of.  No chairs.  No toilets.  No doctors.  No toothbrushes or toothpaste.  No manicured lawns.  No air conditioning.  The list could go on.

BUT, they did have joy;  laughter;  family;  animals to love;  natural, gushing jungle beauty galore~ There were no shortages of these.

There was, however, a shortage of clean drinking water.  The water we drank, came from a large river that was rushing down rock canyons not too far of a hike from the village.  We hiked there one day after hot work in the sun to swim and relax.  Village children were also there, playing and washing in the crystal clear, refreshing waters.  These beautiful waters were laden with unseen passengers.  Parasites.  And after our trip they had found new homes.  Deep within our very bellies.

Having a parasite is no picnic.  Having a plethora of parasites, even worse.  Some of us were hospitalized and treated in Mexico.  I ended up <unknowingly> taking the little scavengers back with me to the States~ And in bathroom agony, realized that I had a serious problem on my hands.  A parasite problem.

I got a culture and was told that the type of parasite I had was particularly strong and resistant to antibiotic treatments.  For those inquiring minds, it is called Blastocystis Hominis.  So, I dug around and did a little research with some help from family.  What I found is what I'm sharing with you now-- 4 herbs that taken in combination, killed that parasite FOR GOOD within a month or so.


1) Tincture of clove
2) Black Walnut husk capsules
3) Oil of Oregano capsules
4) Tincture of Gentian

Please consult a naturopath to be certain that this would work for you.  Some of these herbs are VERY strong and can be harmful if taken incorrectly.  I alternated herbs so that the parasite never got a chance to become resistant to one.

So .... that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  Feel free to message me with any questions you have.  And, I have a lot more adventurous stories to share in the future, so stay tuned!!

Money Saver #1

So, I thought I'd start sharing a little of what I've learned over the last few years of being a wife and now a mommy~ money saving tips, natural remedies for illness, healthy recipes, etc.   Today, I'll start with a 2 in 1:  a money saver + healthy recipe idea! :)

The (not so) novel idea:  Dried Black Beans.  Just a little over $2 for a 2 lb. bag at Walmart.

The How-To:  There are a lot of STRANGE ideas of how to cook dried beans out there.  I think a lot of people are just plain intimidated by the thought, hence all those slimy, cooked, canned beans out there.  I was one of the intimidated ones and until I got married and was encouraged by my husband to give it a try.  Then I discovered, it's actually easy.

1) On a plate or clean, dry surface, sift through the beans, searching for rocks or anything that doesn't resemble a bean.  Remove.

2) Rinse beans with cold water in a strainer.

3)  Put rinsed beans in a large stock pot and cover with water  (cover them sufficiently, you don't want to run out of water).   Cover and bring to a boil.

4)  Once boiling, turn down and allow to simmer for an hour or so-- beans should be quite well cooked and even breaking apart a little before they are done.

5) Drain in strainer and rinse with cool water once again.

Voila!  This will make A LOT of beans-- Several meals worth!  Now, what to do with them?!?

Meal Ideas: 

1) Black Beans & Rice~  Not a new idea, but very healthy.  Season black beans with salt and eat with white or brown rice.  You can garnish with salsa, guacamole, greens, etc.  Or add some corn chips and/or a corn or flour tortilla and eat like Chipotle.

2) Chili~ Black beans are great for chili-- Brown up some beef or venison in our case, add beans, diced onion, canned tomato sauce/whole tomatoes and lots of chili powder.  Done!

3) Refried Beans~  Put leftover beans in an oiled skillet and season with fresh lime juice, salt and cayenne pepper.  Cook until well heated through.  Delish!

* They also freeze very well, so freeze half and take them out when you need a meal in a pinch :)

Jackie

Today was SO refreshing and fun with my two boys!  We spent this gorgeous SUNNY day doing things that we love to do as a family~ This of course meant starting out the day with a delicious BREAKFAST!  Breakfast is my very favorite meal of the day--other meals kind of fade away for me if I've had a good breakfast with a steaming cup of black coffee or bitter tea (yep, we like our tea bitter around here, think *Clouds & Mist* from TeaSource.  (www.teasource.com)  So today we hopped over to the quaint and cute little town of Zumbrota to eat at Bridget's Café.  It was midmorning so we were already adequately hungry (okay, this is an understatement).   Malachi had already had his first breakfast of the day and was ravenous for MORE (insert sign language "more" sign here) :)  I had the Egg Skillet plate (scrambled eggs with peppers, onions, mushrooms, bacon, potatoes and cheddar cheese) and Elijah had the basic eggs & pancakes & bacon plate.  Malachi ate from both plates.  Then he proceeded to win the hearts of the other diners before we went on our way.

Next we parked near the library where there happens to be a beautiful series of bronze statues of children dancing and other tall pieces of art with poetry (think crisp air, beautiful sunshine, morning glory, POETRY and a happy child to boot!  Bliss!)  Malachi, Elijah and I had so much fun playing chase around the statues~ We took a walk across the historic covered bridge which M LOVED to walk across.  You could see the rushing river waters through the slots on the floor and that was probably fascinating for him.  He kept saying "wawa!" and pointing to the river.  I love that he delights in nature like we do.  We played at the wooden castle park and met new little friends there.  It sadly ended with Malachi slamming his face into playground equipment and getting his first bloody nose... Sigh..  We revived ourselves in the public library and he loved running through their aisles and playing with their toys.  (I can imagine the gasps here as you imagine him running & squealing through a quiet library, but it wasn't that bad! haha)

After a nap and lunch at home, we went back out to enjoy the day, this time to a set of lakes in Rochester that I had never been to before.  We walked (the simple act of walking is SO FUN for Malachi since it's new and his joy makes everything feel more exciting for us, too)  Elijah identified lots of waterfowl on the water, including migrating Loons, Coots and a Horned Grebe!  Malachi excitedly pointed out every dog that walked past us and even pointed out the moon that was faintly in the sky!  Smart boy! We met lots of interesting people at a park (nearby Mayo)-- especially a cute family from Chile, South America!  Loved hearing their beautiful Spanish, especially spoken by their darling preschool-aged daughter.  ("Higher, Higher, Daddy!" she'd exclaim while being pushed on the swings)

Days like today are a needed bit of JOY in a life that is so often work-driven~  Family. Sunshine. Food. Discovering.  Beauty.  Laughter.  I am thankful for all of the above :)  Thank you God!

I just want to remember all the little things... which are really, the big things~


M-guy is 14.5 months old.  This is such a precious age.  His favorite person in the world right now is "Mama" closely followed by "Dada."  This morning I left to attend MOPS--Mothers of Preschoolers (or in my case, MOBS--Mother of Baby) :)  Elijah told me that every other second, M-guy was looking out the window, asking "Mama?  Mama?"  At one point, he laid down on my fluffy, white winter jacket, stroking it and saying my name lovingly... (Tear at my heart strings! How's a girl supposed to EVER leave home when she hears something like that!?)   When I finally did pull into the garage 4 hours later, I have never seen such a look of pure joy & love as I saw on M's face... He almost looked as if he was wildly cheering or laughing--or both at once.  At first I wondered what wonderful thing Elijah had said or done to make him so happy... Then it hit me-- I was what was making him so happy.  What a profound realization of being so very loved.

M also has a very special place in his heart for "Dada."  Elijah left for a work meeting for the entire afternoon, and M kept asking for him.  We went on a walk outside (gorgeous spring-like day, finally!) and every little noise he heard from other houses made him question if it was Elijah, "Dada?"  Then he'd head towards the noise-- as if the ONLY person in the whole world that it could be was his very special father :)

M frequently comes to me during the day for a hug or cuddle time or to be picked up and held.  I do not mind at all!  :)   I am so thankful that God gave me such an outgoing, vibrant, joyful, cuddly & loving little boy.  Our home is filled with his laughter and noises~ how quiet it was before he came into our lives!

These times I hold close to my heart.  I don't want to forget the sweetness, the joy, the love~

Jackie

Authentic:  true to one's own personality, spirit, or character

Transparent: free from pretense or deceit 

Courage:  mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty

Last night I went to a Chris Tomlin concert with my family.  Not just my immediate family, but lots of unknown family.  As a Christian, I believe that those who have put their hope in Christ are my family, not just in this life but the life to come.  And so as I looked out on the sea of faces that filled the Target Center, faces unfamiliar, faces with eyes that I've never looked into, dreams that I've never listened to, smiles I've never received, I felt at home.  Because together, we were worshipping God.  Loving God.  And that feels so right and so pure in a time and age when we so rarely have time to worship or love Someone unseen and faraway.  

But I digress.  In that space, filled with impressive lights and chest reverberating sounds, I had a thought.  An idea.  Perhaps a little nudge from the One who made me.  Maybe I should write again.  But not just write.  Maybe I should write authentically.  Transparently.  And as the idea sinks in and then takes flight, Maybe I should write courageously.  

As can be clearly seen, I have not written a blog post in awhile.  And do you want to know why? ... It feels too vulnerable.  Too real.  Too open and honest.  Because I'm not a person to write about fluff.  Things with no substance.  I want to be real in my words and speech, and I can't write any other way.  But that becomes messy.  Because we live in a world that does not want to hear certain things.  Messy things.  Real things.  Oh, they claim they want to hear.  But in actuality, in reality, when it's all said and done, I don't think it's true.  Why?  Because sometimes others' words and perspective cause us to be angry.  Or afraid.  Or to question things that we thought we had figured out.  

Well my disclaimer is this:  This space is for me to write.  To write what I think and feel;  To write what I believe;  To write what is important to me.  Why?  Because I think when we do this, when we are authentic to our true selves, it makes a difference.  Maybe just inside of us.  Maybe to others.  But in the end, I hope it makes matters to God.  Because it's His glory that can be seen in our weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  When we are weak, He is strong. 

xxoo 
Jackie

Life Happens!

Quite often, life just doesn't go as planned.  


People often commented this fact to me leading up to my labor. "Don't get too set on your birth plan," they'd gravely say.  "Things never go the way you think they will" was the sage advice.   But I was indignant--just because OTHERS had traumatic, over-the-top labors didn't mean that I had to.  In my wet behind the ears estimation, I had done "everything right." I was taking a very expensive, high-quality packet of pre-natal vitamins daily for a whole year before I got pregnant...just to get my body ready.  I exercised nearly every day and ate very healthy (especially if you call dark chocolate healthy) :) I was ready~ "Bring on the childbirth", I thought! 


And then, as happens in all good plots, things went awry.  I started to get a whiff of it when my due date came and went without even the hint of a Braxton Hicks contraction. Then a week overdue came and went. No Braxton Hicks. Two weeks. Nada.  Now I was getting nervous.  Did I happen to mention that sweet little baby girl ME was 18 days overdue? "This can't be happening to me," I thought as the days passed glibly by. 


And then I did it.  I'll admit, I was warned.  But the promise of what that bottle of Castor Oil could do for me was just too tempting.  At 15 days overdue I drank a castor oil smoothie. And it actually tasted good!  I wondered what would happen next... I waited. And as I had anticipated, I got sick. But then, it happened! Labor began! We packed the car and headed up to the Cities to stay with family so we could be closer to the natural childbirth center where I would have a natural water birth attended by a Nurse Midwife. (Clearly, I had it all planned out). 


Labor lasted all night, but fizzled out in by morning. I was SO BUMMED.  I did a lot of walking and waited it out. Labor resumed that evening and lasted all night--but in true form, fizzled out again by morning.  Just so we're on the same page, that's now 2 nights of little sleep between contractions. The next day (Day 3) I had contractions interspersed all day. By 11pm, they were very regular and increasingly STRONG. I labored all night (third night of labor) and didn't really sleep. I labored all night and all day the next day and then on into the night. By 2a.m. the next morning (28 hours of strong, unmedicated labor later) I fizzled out. My body started shaking and couldn't stop. My ketone levels were really high. I began having the kind of "out of body" experience that happens when you're in a lot of pain and your body doesn't know how to handle it. Add that to the fact that my dilation began to regress and you have a grim picture. 


Two I.V.s later, I began to beg to be taken to the hospital. I truly did not think I had the energy to push the baby out. He/She felt very stuck. 
"Why else could my labor be lasting so long?"


I'll spare you the movie-quality, adventure-packed story of my crazy transfer to a hospital and all THAT entailed, but let's just say, "Honey, it wasn't pretty." 36 hours of labor in total, and I pushed my sweet 9 lb. 21.8 inch baby BOY into this world. Sweetest victorious moment in my life.


Life sometimes happens in stark contrast to our dreams.  But we're okay and I'm thankful.

Growing with my Baby

Having a baby is SUCH a growing experience--clearly in more ways than one!! It's kind of surreal to have this little nugget inside of you for SO LONG (much longer for me than most being 20 days overdue...) and then, poof, baby's in my arms and in my home and forever in my heart. And now I'm a Mom.  

Now I'm that lady pushing her baby in a shopping cart making all the goo goo ga ga noises to him, oblivious of all the other child-less people around me thinking I'm crazy.  I'm that person that gets peed on and puked on at least once a day and doesn't think it's gross; I'm the one who doesn't have a life outside of my baby and thinks it's the greatest privilege in the world to get out to do mundane tasks like grocery shopping or working out for 30 minutes before being summoned to feed the starving little child.

But not to scare those who haven't passed into the realm of motherhood yet.  There is nothing more precious than holding your little prize after all the huffing and puffing of pushing him out. Looking into those tiny eyes that look to you for all the love and comfort and nourishment he needs is SO PRECIOUS. Seriously. And now, at almost 3 months, having him flash me the most award-winning smile just because I'm his Mom and he loves me--nothing sweeter.  The way he cuddles into me when he's tired and clings to me like a little baby orangutan... These are the things I've dreamt of but couldn't imagine as my reality.

Here's to starting to blog about my life as a Mom and all the other little things in between.  It's going to be a wild ride!  

Beginning wk. 6

We have crossed the half-way point and are now finishing up the last four weeks of filming the movie in Colombia.  It has been quite an adventure, living in a place that 2 years ago was not even safe enough to visit.  A lot has changed in two years, and we are living proof that God is really healing the land of Colombia from it's history of bloodshed and violence.

What more can I say?  We live right outside of a very small town at the base of the mountains.  The townspeople now "know" us and like to chat with us when we're in town, whether it be for grocery shopping, playing a game of fútbol, stopping by one of the many bakeries or getting a cool juice drink.  It is very hot here and there is no air conditioning.  We take very cold showers every day as there is no option for hot water, but that works out well with the heat anyways.  There is an army base right outside of town, and lots of soldiers everywhere.  We are getting used to seeing huge guns casually sported around town.

As far as the movie goes, we are ahead of schedule with the filming, and may be able to head back to Bogotá before we thought.  The days are often hot and long, but the rewards great as the scenes are coming out so beautifully!  After we leave for MN, the team here will edit the film and work on everything that goes on with putting a movie together.  We hope it will be out by spring, 2012. :)

Yesterday was a free day, which we get once a week.  Elijah and I were invited up to the mountain farm of a couple who have helped with the movie: Don Luis and his wife Doña Orpha.  They are a very warm and interesting couple, who are former teachers from southern Colombia.  They live in a quaint wooden home on the edge of the mountain.  Half of their living space is open air,  with a big shaded patio where you can view the myriads of hummingbirds whizzing through the house or the toucans resting in a fruit tree nearby.  At night, the stars over the mountains are brilliant, with no pollution or lights to dim them.  Luis and Orpha grow cacao, the chocolate plant, and showed us how they produce their own chocolate step-by-step.  We then enjoyed a cup of steaming hot chocolate paired with cheese and sweet bread.  It was so fun!

I'll have to add photos later!

Ciao!

End of wk. 2

Sometimes I look down and my growing belly and up at the cloud crowned mountains and can't believe we're here~  But each new day and it's experiences prove that yes, we are living this adventure.

My days have been quite different than Elijah's the last couple weeks. He has been filming every scene from the movie for about 12 hours a day at different locations around the mountains.  One particular day that stands out, the film crew and actors accompanied the Colombian military up a mountain for a 45 minute hike only to reach the sound of gunfire and bombs going off!  The soldiers threw their helmets at the film crew and everyone crouched down low. Thankfully, it was just a practice zone for the military, but they said it felt like they were in a war!  Elijah said the guys loved it!! They each got to shoot one of the machine guns into a target and one of our guys got to light a grenade....  Yikes..

Elijah has been seeing myriads of exotic birds every single day and absolutely LOVES it. Colombia is truly the land of birds.

I am personally thankful that I have mostly stayed around the finca that we're staying at.  I teach my 1st grade student twice a day and spend the rest of the time reading in a hammock, swimming and going on outings up to the mountain to view the filming or down to the nearest village to shop for groceries, observe the locals and once to watch a local dance competition.

Baby has been more and more active. Yesterday for example, after eating a couple bananas (no, one doesn't do it for me anymore), baby started kicking like crazy. I think he/she REALLY likes bananas!

Please pray for us as we're here.  There are certainly challenges to being pregnant in a foreign land, and I would appreciate any prayer support that I can get!

Ciao!

Colombian Movie-Making Adventure Begins!

We are here, just like that, moved from quiet suburbia, MN to quiet plains-near-the-mountains, Colombia. Here is a snippet of our recent adventure:

Day 1:
Arrived in Bogotá at night after a grueling day of flying~ My bag has been lost in the system and so I've been wearing the same blue capris and black shirt for the past 5 days...We were picked up by a friend here and delivered to his family's home in Chapinero Alto (a lovely part of Bogotá) for a good night's sleep.

Day 2:
We slept so well~ Bogota is in the mountains and very cool~in the 60's.  It was a nice relief after Minnesota's humid summer!  We took a walk, noticing the thinner air as we huffed and puffed a little walking up hill.  We exchanged $ and met a friend, Jon Captain, for breakfast at a place that specializes in "comida llanera" --Food of the plains. Elijah had tinto (a small cup of strong coffee), scrambled eggs, arepa con queso (a thick corn pastry with cheese inside) and an empanada.  I had strong hot chocolate (a common breakfast drink), scrambled eggs & arepa con queso.  We stopped at a little drogueria (drug store) on our way home so that I could pick out some essentials that were in my lost bag.  Shortly thereafter we left in a truck for Cubarral, a town in the plains, on the edge of the mountains, where we'll be based for filming.  We wound through the mountains for 5 1/2 hours and drove through some especially interesting tunnels that were dripping a disturbing amount of water onto our car! We arrived at the farm in the evening and went to bed.  It is much hotter in Cubarral than Bogotá and our room felt like a hot coffin. After a mini-melt-down (literally) we found a fan to use and slept very well.

Day 3:
Elijah and the lighting & sound guys worked on setting up all the camera equipment and lights and figuring it all out before filming day.  I had my first reading lesson with a 1st grader that I'm tutoring.  All the teaching materials that I had packed to use with her are still in my lost bag... so we had to improvise a bit.  I also took a dip in the farm's beautiful pool... such a nice addition to a hot place, especially since it's overlooking the gorgeous mountains.

Day 4:

Our first filming day!  We left bright and early and drove to a beautiful finca (farm) in the mountains to film our first 3 scenes.  After 12 hours of takes (with some breaks due to a sudden thunderstorm) we only got 2 of the 3 scenes done. But they are BEAUTIFUL. We watched the footage later and we were all in awe.  Elijah is working with a lighting guy and sound guy, and the three of them make an awesome filming team.  The makeup artist is fabulous, the directors/script writers inspired, and the actors were well practiced & incredibly patient with all the takes we took.  Two Colombian military "guarded" us all day and also brought weapons & clothing for us to use as props/costumes in the scenes. They were very careful to doubly check that the guns were not loaded!! I took aim at a couple trees with a 9 millimeter... it was really cool. haha. 

We will film 6 days a week for the next 8 weeks.  We hope to get all the 90+ scenes filmed in that time.  Here's to our Colombian adventure! :)

Jehovah Jireh--God Provides

I remember singing this song in church as a child, totally oblivious to what the words meant. I just liked the rhythm of the tune.  It went like this:


Jehovah Jireh 
My provider 
His grace is sufficient 
For me, for me, for me 
Jehovah Jireh 
My provider 
His grace is sufficient for me

My God shall supply all my needs 
According to his riches in glory 
He will give His angels 
Charge over me 
Jehovah Jireh cares 
For me, for me, for me 
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

So it's one thing to sing the words as a child when everything you need is provided daily for you by your parents. I was blessed to have this reality as my life.  But it's another thing when you're an adult. On your own. With baby bills (and the baby isn't even here yet).  And other random expenses.  Today we got a bill in the mail~ more than expected.  I started crying because I'm pregnant and emotional.  But Elijah pointed out that in the last 2 days we unexpectedly made just over that amount in random photography jobs we've done.  

So yeah.  Jehovah Jireh.  He means it.  His character cannot change.  God takes care of His children.  And the birds (Matthew 6:26).  Sometimes in unexpected ways.  But may I have the eyes to see when He is taking care of us.  No more crying little bird. God provides. 

Risk

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Take calculated risks.
That is quite different from being rash.
George S. Patton

We are embarking on a season of life that I am kind of afraid of... We are branching out on our own in business, without the support of a steady salary to depend on... It's sink or swim and in this economy I see a lot of sinking ships.  

But God is leading us on this journey and it seems like this is the current path that we are supposed to take. To me it feels like jumping off a cliff to hang glide over the deep wide ocean without any island to land on in sight.  And just when we think we're going to sink into the depths of the sea with the sharks, a gust of wind picks up, we keep sailing and God provides again. 

We have a baby coming. We are supposed to be responsible. But hopefully Baby will see that his or her Mommy & Daddy are taking risks; doing what we're afraid to do to hopefully reap a reward that is far greater than playing it safe.  We're not going to lead a normal life. But we're going to lead a full life. 

Our plans: Colombia

Many people have wondered what in the world Elijah and I are up to next.... This is understandable, as we seem to move every 3-6 months!!! Well, another trip is in the works~ Here's a little about what we're doing next:

Earlier this year we were praying about returning to Colombia. Elijah has had this country on his heart for many years now, and we just haven't known the right time to return. About the time we were praying, we received an email from a missionary family in Colombia, asking us to consider coming down to help them make a movie.  More specifically, Elijah would take the role of "Director of Photography."  This would be a completely new role for him, and something very exciting, for sure. We prayed about it, and sure enough, felt peace to go!

We will be in Colombia from Aug. 1st until Oct. 4th.  We are not staying longer because we have several weddings to photograph in the fall that we need to be back for (and because we're having a baby, of course).  We will fly into Bogotá, but will spend much of our time on a mountain outside of the city. The group will be renting a farm and will have a Canadian chef making the food.  There will be a pool at the farm... sounds like a little piece of paradise.  :)  I will also have a small role tutoring the director's daughter in reading.

So anyways, we're leaving but we will be back in the fall! We ask for your prayers for safety, health & inspiration while we're away!

Hasta Luego!

Oh Happy Day~

Loren Cunningham~ The founder of Youth With a Mission (YWAM) more than 50 years ago... I had always wanted to speak with him personally & thought that I would get that chance when I spent 3+ months in Kona, HI, where he lives.  But alas, it wasn't until I was back in frigid Minnesota that I actually got to meet him! Thank you, Loren, for the legacy that you have left, and the common vision that is burning in so many of our hearts: To know God, and to make Him known~

Lovely Friends//lovely food

Our last weekend in Hawaii, we had the privilege of spending time at Josh & Miho's house ~ We thought we knew how to make sushi before witnessing the production of this amazing Japanese meal, made by Miho!  We enjoyed discussing photography, art and everything in between! Thank you for blessing us with such a fun evening! 

Good Gifts

God gives good gifts to his kids~ I've always read that ... you know, that He won't give you a stone if you ask for a loaf of bread or a snake if you ask for fish... Well I asked for a place to live~ didn't get too specific, but what I *envisioned* was this:  renting part of someone's home, maybe an elderly person or something; must have a kitchen; near Elijah's work; nature/outdoors would be a bonus...

We didn't know where to find such a place. From Hawaii I scoured the internet ... the closest I got was $850/month in a crummy part of town surrounded by parking lots.

But then God provided this:  A mostly furnished walk-out basement, part of an older couple's home, near Elijah's work, with a kitchen, and a beautiful view of trees, turkeys, deer & the MN River.   Here is God's gift to us: