Stumbling Forward

And the world stumbles madly forward.

What else can we do?

War in Ukraine;  War in Israel, Palestine, Syria; Horrific persecution in Iraq; Ebola ravaging Africa; Black teen shot & killed;  Innocent child raped and murdered; Famous actor taking his life~

And still, we stumble forward.

We wake up.  We care for our children, our spouse.  We go to work and fulfill our duties.  We write checks to pay our bills.  We wash dishes, take walks, think, pray.

We all desperately need God.  Hope.  Peace.  Love.  Love for our enemies.  Love for those who persecute us.  Love, often, for ourselves.  The grace of Jesus to cover our failings, shortcomings, imperfections;  Our glaring imperfections.

Amazing grace.  I wish I could just "get" it.  For myself. For others.  That perfection doesn't have to be the goal because it can never be on this earth.  That who I am, who you are, is enough, Today.

And someday, when face to face with God in Heaven, I will be whole~ perfect in His perfection.

But until then, I must stumble forward.  Because at least then, I am alive.  Trying.  Loving, though imperfectly.  Apologizing when I fail.  Forgiving when others fail me.  Getting back up and stumbling forward again.

And maybe if covered in God's grace, this stumbling journey may end up appearing Beautiful.  Grace-full.  Not perfect, but enough.  Because I'm here.  Trying.  And turning my eyes and my life over to the One who is perfect and who is Love.

May God be with all those hurting souls around the world.  May His grace & love give them the courage and hope to stumble forward, right along with the rest of us.

Something Beautiful

A lot of blog posts have been running through the back of my mind the last couple months... usually at the end of a hurried day of toddler and baby activities, when I finally crash into my pillow and close my eyes, the scattered words come.  I think about how I'll tell the story, the words I will use, the sequence of thoughts, but I've been too tired and busy to write.

Well now, with baby propped up with a pillow while nursing and toddler upstairs napping, I am attempting to write one of many thoughts from the last couple months.

Rewind to about 8 weeks ago.  I was anticipating the birth of my second born-- I knew it was a boy and I knew his name would be Micah.  I also knew, from prior experience, the pain that was before me with the advent of labor.  Some things are better not known... the pains of childbirth are one of them.  I was seriously worried about it.  My first labor was 36 hours long and somewhat complicated.  I feared a repeat performance with this child.

One day, as I was laying down to rest while my toddler napped, I was praying to God about it, telling Him how afraid I was... how He needed to give me strength to get through it, how I didn't think I could go through it again...basically listing off my grievances.  Mid-sentence I heard this:

"What if it will be beautiful?"

My whirlwind of thoughts froze mid-stream.  I repeated it back in my head, "What if it will be beautiful?!  What if...  What if...."  I had no answer for that.  I had NEVER allowed myself to even imagine such a thing was possible.  A small flame of hope was lit inside me that day.  God's love warmed me and I knew He had it in His hands.  

Active labor finally came on Valentine's Day~ And it was quick.  And it was hard.  But it was beautiful...

On the drive to the hospital, contractions were getting somewhat unbearable and close together.  A song came on the radio, right when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore.  It said, "The pain won't last forever; things can only get better.  Believe me, this is going to make you stronger..."  Those lyrics helped me so much.  I repeated them through the hard parts, and it was a sign to me to keep going.  I wasn't alone.

Micah was born less than 3 hours upon arriving at the hospital.  Everything went flawlessly.  Just as she was leaving my hospital room, my midwife said,  "That was a beautiful birth."

And. time. stood. still.

I remembered the words God has whispered to me in my bedroom a couple weeks prior.  "What if it will be beautiful?"  It was beautiful.  And God is good.  And even when labors are hard and complicated like my first, He goes with us through the difficulty.  And sometimes He gives us beautiful labors.  And that is His GRACE to us.  His grace to me.  And I was so thankful and I AM so thankful.

God can give you something beautiful.  Seek Him for it.  He loves you;  He loves me.